A Note about Mommy Judging

Let’s not let our differences cloud the one amazing thing we all have in common: Motherhood.

Last week, Jessica wrote a very personal and brave piece on the site about her experience as a formula-feeding mama, and judging by the reaction, it left a bad taste in some readers’ mouths. We know not everyone is always going to agree with our points of view, but the comments were disheartening nonetheless. Whether it’s breast vs. bottle, or another hot-button issue, what was most unsettling was that any mother could find the energy to write such hurtful comments to another mother who is just trying to do her best every day (aren’t we all?). And I can tell you, as Jessica’s partner and friend, that her best is f-ing solid — she’s raising one of the smartest 2-year-olds I’ve encountered (and I have no doubt her newborn will prove just as intelligent).

Here at Well Rounded NY, we go to great lengths to make sure we are sensitive to each one of our reader’s potential circumstances. Every piece goes through a formula-feeding mom (Jess) and a breastfeeding mom (me). Every piece goes through a work-from-home mom (me) and a work-out-of-home mom (Jess). Every piece goes through a mom that gave birth naturally (Jess) and one who gave birth by c-section (me). It wasn’t a coincidence that we chose the name Well Rounded. One of the most important things we have learned as new moms is that every parenting situation — from conception — is different, and we wanted to create a community to celebrate that.

With that said, before becoming a mother, I admit I judged parents left and right. I did. So to that mother who let her kid throw a tantrum on the dirty sidewalk of Driggs and N. 6th: I totally judged you, and now as we approach our terrible twos, I too, have been there. To the mother who I judged for nursing her 2 1/2 year old: surprise! We’re hitting year two of nursing — why was I so naive? To the many parents I judged for “letting” their kids cry in a restaurant: I am so very sorry, because now I know you just wanted to, you know, eat. Now mind you, all this judgement happened before my baby left my womb, because once he arrived, I realized I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that I loved him, and that I needed to keep him alive. Every day was an opportunity to do something wrong. Or right. For us.

This gift of motherhood is incredible, but it can be difficult. There are days I’m so filled with joy and love I want explode, and others that, as a friend recently texted me, “I just want to stay in the shower all day.” It is emotional, physical and incredibly gratifying. But we all need one another. When expectant and new mothers are reading stories on WRNY, we want you to know we respect your choices. And know that when you read a personal piece, it is just that: personal. We hope it helps someone going through a similar experience, or at the very least, reaffirms that there are so many different kinds of mothers.

We hope everyone feels welcome to express their opinions and comment on every story, but we also don’t want to scare anyone from sharing their experience on WRNY in fear of getting judged. So before you question another parent’s decisions — whether online or in real life — remember that tomorrow is a new day, and you just may find yourself walking in those same shoes that mom you judged yesterday was wearing.

We know we’re not the only ones — have you experienced judgement from other moms?

Kaity Velez

Kaity Velez

Co-founder and editor of Well Rounded NY Kaity Velez is a former menswear editor who cannot believe she was ever scared of being a mom. Currently residing with her toddler and fiancé in her beloved Brooklyn, she is kept in a constant state of awe by her little guy. You can often track her down at her local pie shop working on anything pregnancy and new mom-related. And trying to not to eat pie. At least not too much of it.

Comments {3}

  1. Thank you, Kaity. As I watch mothers around me and begin raising my daughter, I am in awe of the hard work this job truly is. I will continue to use the techniques I admire in other mothers’ parenting and let go of those techniques where I differ. I hope others will do the same when seeing me. I would rather spend my energy loving my baby.

  2. Raising a child is already hard without worrying about what others think of the job you’re doing. We’re all doing what’s best for us and our family. We should respect each others’ choices and realize that we’re all the doing the best we can.

  3. Thanks for this post, Kaity. Definitely hit the nail on the head and in our “judge first, reflect later” society, it’s important for people to know that there is a real person with real feelings reading everything that is posted. Hopefully this will prevent commenters from rushing to judgement in the future!


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