New Mom Moves that will Make you Pee your Pants

10 things new moms do that are absolutely hilarious.

*We’ve partnered with Icon to help keep you high and dry during motherhood.

Those first few months of motherhood can feel like a never-ending nightmare of leaky boobs, soggy diapers and all-nighters. Thankfully, looking back at the experience – say, after you’ve had some solid nights of sleep that include more than four-hour increments – the humorous moments start to stand out more than the trying ones. And let’s be real: New moms are known to do some downright strange and hilarious things (blame the hormones and sleep deprivation).

The only downside to these laugh-out-loud moments? They just might make you pee your pants – especially if you’re a new mom. But…drumroll…it’s all good because Icon’s pee-proof underwear has you covered for all of the spills and thrills of new motherhood and well, beyond. So read on and feel free to laugh your heart out (and your, um, whatever else comes out) because if you’re wearing your Icon undies, you’ll stay clean and dry no matter what.

Here are 10 funny things new moms do that will possibly make you pee your pants:

1. They lick their hands to figure out the “Poop or Not Poop” question. It is an unfortunate coincidence that baby poop looks oddly like mustard. Or other condiments you might have laying around your house. Rather than spend time trying to figure out: “Is this baby poop, or mustard?”, many new moms succumb to the stick-your-nose-in-it or sometimes-taste-it tests. Ew. But also funny. Well, funny when you look back.

2. They answer the door wearing just a breast pump and a hands-free nursing bra. New moms can become so accustomed to pumping that sometimes they forget they’re strapped to an apparatus. So when the doorbell rings with their veggie pizza order, they don’t realize they’re still in “Hands-Free” mode until they register the shocked look on the delivery person’s face. That calls for an extra tip, no?

3. They spurt milk across the living room in front of guests. This move is a real crowd-pleaser! Fathers-in-law especially enjoy the awkward moment when a new mama is about to nurse her baby and starts shooting milk across the room in a wide arc. No, it is not a parlor trick. Just good, old-fashioned, breastfeeding fun!

4. They’ll change their baby’s diapers anywhere but on a changing table. New moms are absolute freaks about germs, and a new mom will avoid a public changing table at nearly all costs (someone else’s baby pooped there!), opting instead for more “sanitary” places, such as café chairs and even tables in restaurants. New moms are so in love with their little bundles that they forget that even though baby tushies sure are cute, they really do not belong anywhere near people’s coffee and pastry.

5. They bounce and sway even while taking a shower. Newborns require bouncing, swaying, juggling, and jiggling in order to calm them down into a mellow state, and a new mama can get so used to all that movement she doesn’t know how to turn it off. If you were to spot a new mama alone in the shower, waiting on line at the bank, or buying groceries (sans baby), you’d probably see her swaying to and fro like Jodi Foster in the movie, “Nell.”

6. They use baby’s head as a crumb-catcher while babywearing. Speaking of eating, new moms with fussy babies often wear their babies 24/7 so that means that even meal times are spent with a baby under their chin. Who needs a plate when you can just catch everything on Baby’s sweet little head? Especially because….

7. They don’t eat meals unless it is over the sink. Meal? What is a “meal”? New moms haven’t had a real sit-down meal since before they gave birth. A new mom’s favorite way to fill her now ravenous belly (breastfeeding and all that bouncing does that to a person) is now over the sink (with aforementioned baby strapped to her belly).

8. They eventually decide that pee diapers don’t require a hand wash after changing. A poop diaper, yes. But a pee diaper? New mom: “Meh, hard pass.”

9. They divide their laundry by: Milk, Pee and Diaper Explosion. So. Much. Laundry. Seriously, the #NewMomLife is all about clothing soaked in bodily fluids (some is your own, and some is your baby’s). Even Daddy’s stinky running shorts shall not be mixed with these foul baby and mama secretions.

10. They continue to wear the pajamas baby has just peed/pooped/spit-up on because…well, why even bother. There’s a point where a new mama just stops giving any effs. Minutes of sleep become more precious than pee-free clothing and sheets, and besides, you’re just going to get super soaked anyway the next time the baby wakes up anyway. When’s Icon gonna make some pee-proof pajamas?

What did YOU do when you were a new mom that will make us pee our pants? Tell us in the comments below, and head over to iconundies.com and use the code WELLROUNDED to get $5 off any order. Image via Icon.

Alexis Barad-Cutler

Alexis Barad-Cutler

ALEXIS BARAD-CUTLER is an Associate Editor and a frequent contributor to Well Rounded. A children's book author and essayist, she writes candidly and often humorously about the "stuff no one talks about in Mom Group" for sites such as Romper, Glamamom, Mommy Nearest, and other online outlets. You can read more of her work on website, or you can follow her on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

Comments {2}

  1. This is the most stupid article ever written! You seriously can’t tell beteeen mustard or baby poop? Or why would you even think of keeping baby fecies near your condiments?! This doesn’t even make sense! And shooting milk across the room full of guests? What?!!! I’m yet to meet a first time mother who would do this in the room full of people! Maybe if you had 10 kids and don’t care anymore! Any self respecting woman and especially mom, no matter how tired, would try her best to wear clean clothes around her baby and her family. Sometimes, wearing something clean during those tough couple of months after giving birth is the only thing that makes you feel happy and look like a human again. Consider me a Super Mom, but I even managed to slap on some make up and had my hair done before my husband got home from work! And no I didn’t have a babysitter or any other help whatsoever.
    I rarely write any reviews, but the sheer ridiculousness or this article made me write this.

    JK
    1. Hi JK! Thanks for your comment. We know that the new mom experience is different for everyone and hope there was something in here that at least a few new moms could relate to, or provide a smile on a tough day.

      Jessica Pallay

Leave a Comment