They’re among us, you know. Their lifestyles are crazy and almost to impossible to fathom. They’re carting around expensive gear and wearing customized clothing. They’re up at all hours of the night and have people clambering for their attention. Am I talking about movie stars? No! I’m talking about moms.
Here’s 9 reasons it’s easy to mix up a mom with a movie star.
- Try as she might, she can’t ever get a moment’s peace. Everywhere she goes, her adoring public will be. If she goes to the kitchen, there they will follow. If she hides under the covers of her bed, there they will find her. She can lock the door of the bathroom—let me shower! Let me poop!— but their fingers will claw from beneath. Come to us, they beckon! We need you, they scream! We love you! Mommy!
- She’s setting the trend for all the latest diets. Haven’t you heard? The “what-do-mashed-peas-taste-like—oh dear god!” diet is the sure-fire way to not eat the rest of the day. Running low on energy and time? Try the “leftover-peanut-butter-sandwich-crusts” plan. A lot of moms swear by the “coffee-please” liquids-only diet, thought it’s not always recommended since, as previously stated, private bathroom time is limited.
- Wherever she goes, the paparazzi will be. Of course, in this case, she is the paparazzi, chasing down her toddler with her phone and begging him to pose in his cute new baby-moccasins. But all the same, a million pictures will be taken and they will most likely be posted to the internet.
- The state of her body is completely up for discussion. It’s not so much that people care or even notice if she’s lost weight or if something has shifted; it’s just that so many people know. There’s the nurse charting every pound she gains in pregnancy and then loses. She’s been spread-eagle before who knows how many doctors and assistants. And there have been rather intimate exchanges with the maternity department bra-fitters. It’s safe to say there’s a mass of people well-versed with her body.
- She doesn’t leave the house without large, dark sunglasses. Because it doesn’t take too long to learn that big shades cover up dark circles, hide a lack of make-up, and let people know not to mess with you because you’re wearing your gosh-darn super-chic sunglasses inside Target, okay?
- It’s all about the big break. Stars like to talk about their breaks in life. So do moms. Did she get six hours of sleep last night? Oh, you’re going to hear about it! Did the baby take a two-hour nap this afternoon? That’s one for the baby books! And if her husband took the baby out while she took a bubble-bath this evening, well, she’ll be bragging about that one for the next month at least.
- It’s best to avoid the “who wore it best” conversation. Chances are, pre-baby body will always get about 90 percent of the vote; but do your part and cast your vote for the post-baby look.
- She wears contraptions. Have you ever actually worn a nursing bra? Those things are so complicated with straps and snaps and removable pieces, they could make Lady Gaga jealous.
- She has the most adoring fans. The life of a famous person is hard, but it does have it’s perks. No matter who you are, that baby will never love you the way it loves her. From the moment he’s born, he’ll lock eyes with her and that will be it. He’ll be over-the-moon in love, growing into the boy who’s constantly telling her she’s beautiful and worthy. There’s no more loyal fan than her baby.