*We’ve partnered with Icon to help keep you high and dry during motherhood.
Those first few months of motherhood can feel like a never-ending nightmare of leaky boobs, soggy diapers and all-nighters. Thankfully, looking back at the experience – say, after you’ve had some solid nights of sleep that include more than four-hour increments – the humorous moments start to stand out more than the trying ones. And let’s be real: New moms are known to do some downright strange and hilarious things (blame the hormones and sleep deprivation).
The only downside to these laugh-out-loud moments? They just might make you pee your pants – especially if you’re a new mom. But…drumroll…it’s all good because Icon’s pee-proof underwear has you covered for all of the spills and thrills of new motherhood and well, beyond. So read on and feel free to laugh your heart out (and your, um, whatever else comes out) because if you’re wearing your Icon undies, you’ll stay clean and dry no matter what.
Here are 10 funny things new moms do that will possibly make you pee your pants:
1. They lick their hands to figure out the “Poop or Not Poop” question. It is an unfortunate coincidence that baby poop looks oddly like mustard. Or other condiments you might have laying around your house. Rather than spend time trying to figure out: “Is this baby poop, or mustard?”, many new moms succumb to the stick-your-nose-in-it or sometimes-taste-it tests. Ew. But also funny. Well, funny when you look back.
2. They answer the door wearing just a breast pump and a hands-free nursing bra. New moms can become so accustomed to pumping that sometimes they forget they’re strapped to an apparatus. So when the doorbell rings with their veggie pizza order, they don’t realize they’re still in “Hands-Free” mode until they register the shocked look on the delivery person’s face. That calls for an extra tip, no?
3. They spurt milk across the living room in front of guests. This move is a real crowd-pleaser! Fathers-in-law especially enjoy the awkward moment when a new mama is about to nurse her baby and starts shooting milk across the room in a wide arc. No, it is not a parlor trick. Just good, old-fashioned, breastfeeding fun!
4. They’ll change their baby’s diapers anywhere but on a changing table. New moms are absolute freaks about germs, and a new mom will avoid a public changing table at nearly all costs (someone else’s baby pooped there!), opting instead for more “sanitary” places, such as café chairs and even tables in restaurants. New moms are so in love with their little bundles that they forget that even though baby tushies sure are cute, they really do not belong anywhere near people’s coffee and pastry.
5. They bounce and sway even while taking a shower. Newborns require bouncing, swaying, juggling, and jiggling in order to calm them down into a mellow state, and a new mama can get so used to all that movement she doesn’t know how to turn it off. If you were to spot a new mama alone in the shower, waiting on line at the bank, or buying groceries (sans baby), you’d probably see her swaying to and fro like Jodi Foster in the movie, “Nell.”
6. They use baby’s head as a crumb-catcher while babywearing. Speaking of eating, new moms with fussy babies often wear their babies 24/7 so that means that even meal times are spent with a baby under their chin. Who needs a plate when you can just catch everything on Baby’s sweet little head? Especially because….
7. They don’t eat meals unless it is over the sink. Meal? What is a “meal”? New moms haven’t had a real sit-down meal since before they gave birth. A new mom’s favorite way to fill her now ravenous belly (breastfeeding and all that bouncing does that to a person) is now over the sink (with aforementioned baby strapped to her belly).
8. They eventually decide that pee diapers don’t require a hand wash after changing. A poop diaper, yes. But a pee diaper? New mom: “Meh, hard pass.”
9. They divide their laundry by: Milk, Pee and Diaper Explosion. So. Much. Laundry. Seriously, the #NewMomLife is all about clothing soaked in bodily fluids (some is your own, and some is your baby’s). Even Daddy’s stinky running shorts shall not be mixed with these foul baby and mama secretions.
10. They continue to wear the pajamas baby has just peed/pooped/spit-up on because…well, why even bother. There’s a point where a new mama just stops giving any effs. Minutes of sleep become more precious than pee-free clothing and sheets, and besides, you’re just going to get super soaked anyway the next time the baby wakes up anyway. When’s Icon gonna make some pee-proof pajamas?
What did YOU do when you were a new mom that will make us pee our pants? Tell us in the comments below, and head over to iconundies.com and use the code WELLROUNDED to get $5 off any order. Image via Icon.